October 20, 2007

Whose Child is This??

Oh boy, I had a horrifying moment today, and I'm still feeling the pangs of not responding the right way....I guess we all have to learn as we go, right? Sometimes I just don't respond in the most mature or proper way to things....it takes me too long to think thru the right way to do things sometimes that I don't do it right when the opportunity presents itself, which always leaves me with an embarrasing/"oh,-I-wish-I-could-do-it-all-over-again" feeling.
So, today we were at a birthday party at the park (Skypark). It was a big party with lots of kids and they had a lots of yummy food and a pinata and a bounce house, it was pretty cool, until my child lost his. (cool, that is). I was standing off to the side talking to one of my neighbors who was at the party, too, and Carson was jumping in the bounce house. I knew he was in there, but I wasn't watching him very closely. He's such a good kid (usually!), so I had no concern for him misbehaving. It was near the end of the party and I was having a nice conversation with my friend when I heard Carson crying and screaming, and sure enough, another mom (who I don't know and who I hope I never run into again!) was carrying Carson away from the bounce house looking for his mom (me!)...I walked briskly over thinking for sure he had gotten hurt or trampled or something in the bounce house (there were lots of kids in there!), but as she quickly handed him over she said "he was hitting and kicking and not listening!!" and off she went......oh boy, was I ever mad and embarrassed and Carson was REALLY mad cuz he didn't like that the lady had to grab him out of the bounce house. So I quickly reached down to get his shoes and quickly said goodbye and thank you to the hostess and off we went to the car for a talk and then home.
I tried to sort it through with him, and basically it sounds like he just decided to hit everyone, and kick one boy, and not listen to the lady who was trying to get him to stop. I should have been over there watching him. I should have gone to the car for a talk and to calm down and then gone back to the party, not for him to enjoy it some more, but to see if everyone was okay and to make him apologize to those he hit and kicked and to apologize to the other mom for disrespecting her and not listening to her and kicking and screaming when she tried to get him out....and to get a better idea of what happened....gosh I feel so embarrassed that I wasn't watching him and that I didn't do those things I should have. I always get annoyed with other parents who aren't watching their kids, especially when they are being mean.
So when we got home we came up with some consequences for him. We made him throw away all the candy he had gathered from the pinata as well as the yo-yo party favor. We had him throw away his sticker chart that he had been working on for a long time (he was so close to earning a prize for all his hard work), and he isn't allowed to have stories before bed tonight and tomorrow night. Those are all things that are pretty dear to him, so I hope it helps him remember that there are consequences to the way he chooses to behave! And next time (not that I'm hoping there will be a next time, but I know there will be other things we'll have to deal with), I'll know better how I should respond. It's so hard sometimes to do the right thing on the spot!
So anyways....I just had to write it all down and get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, I feel a bit better.


Ginger@From The Cocoon said...

Sounds like you handled it fine...maybe not the way everyone would've responded, but the bottom line is that your son learns the appropriate behavior and it sounds like you did a great job of teaching him actions=consequences.

You with us said...

Man, Michelle, I can identify with your experience and your response/feelings. That is so hard. Please don't berate yourself. Even if you didn't handle it the way you wanted to I'm afraid you'll probably have another opportunity to try it differently. It might not have gone down much differently even if you had been standing right there watching him hit. Yiy, this motherhood thing is so humbling.

The Mathisons said...

sheesh! that is hard stuff! i agree with you and byranie... motherhood takes on a whole new meaning of humility at times. i get so frustrated myself when i'm at a loss at what to do in those situtations.

Angie said...

Oh yikes. I've been there in that place where you want a hole to open up in the ground so you can fall right in. So not fun. I agree with Byranie, that the same thing might've happened even if you were inches from the bounce house. The most upsetting part is probably that the other mom got so involved and down on you. I truly think other moms might have extended more grace and understanding than she did, and I think that's her problem, not yours! You're a good mom, and I'm proud of you for following through and taking drastic measures to teach Carson a lesson. Poor little Carson. This kid thing is tough. :(