May 8, 2008

The Dark Cloud

I feel like a dark cloud that's been lingering over my life has blown away today. It's just been a rough week, or couple weeks, but especially this week.

God is so awesome to give us new mercies every morning, and I feel like today after I spent a little time realizing that I've been giving in to the temptation to feel defeated and discouraged and stressed, etc., and confessing that I wasn't letting the Lord be on the throne in my life in every area, and just putting some things down in an email to a friend, I just feel lighter.

Jesus says: "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" I did, and he did. What a wonderful God.

I also decided I need to be taking better care of I tried to eat better today and drink more water and I think it resulted in more energy and clearer thinking. I read in my Real Simple magazine a long while back that drinking water helps with clear thinking, and it makes sense. I never really put the two together, but I really think it's true.

Nothing huge going on, just dealing with trying to get the kids to behave in public, and to have them be more respectful in the way they talk to me, etc. Carson had a mega-tantrum as we were leaving Costco....I thought we were done with those....but he was so mad that I wouldn't let us eat pizza there since he wouldn't listen to me while we were standing in line. I had asked him to stop chasing Livi around because it makes her crazy and she screams with glee, but it just gets out of hand, especially in a place where there are so many people around. So when he continued to do it, we just stepped out of line and walked out the door....fortunately he didn't realize what was going on till we got outside, but it wasn't pretty on our way to the car.....screaming, crying, boy was he mad, mad, mad. He must have said "but I want to eat pizza here!!!" thru all the crying at least 65 times....the whole way home. It was not fun.

Then later in the day yesterday we had to go to the post office and we had to wait a long time, and they were just being crazy and I couldn't get control of them. I was feeling really hot and sweaty from the stress. The clerk offered them stickers once we finally got to the counter, but I told them we weren't going to be able to take them today, can't reward that kind of behavior. Arggg. So we left and on our way home Carson made some sort of snotty "na-na-na-na-na" comment and it just set me over the top and I started crying, cried the whole way home. And he got a spanking for disobeying me, but at dinner he told Livi with a smile that it didn't hurt.

Gee whiz, this mom thing can be rough, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. With Mother's Day approaching, I've just been thinking about my precious little kiddos and all the wonder that they are. I'm so grateful to be their mom, I just pray that God will give me the grace to lead them in the way they should go, and that He would help me not go crazy in the mean time! :-)


Lindsay said...

Oh, my goodness, I haven't even met you but I TOTALLY relate to everything you just wrote. There are times when my patience wears thin and I get so frustrated that all I can do is cry, too.

I commend you on sticking with the consequences with your kids. It isn't easy. There are so many times I give in because it is just easier, but I'm learning that if I am really consistent with discipline the bad behavior will (eventually) diminish. :)

Thank you for sharing what you did. It really encouraged me. Have a wonderful Mother's Day!

ps--I made those cookies and they were SO GOOD! My husband even said that recipe is a keeper. Thanks!

Jennifer said...

You are a great mom, Michelle! Just remember God never gives us what we can't handle.
I have definitely had days like those and had almost an exact experience at the post office a few weeks ago. It is so embarassing!

Christi said...

I think I pray that "help me not to go crazy" prayer every day! You rock, sister.

Megan said...

Oh, I know what you are talking about!! Just the other day ava threw a major temper tantrum in a restaurant--I mean, that girl can scream! Talk about embarassing.

Anyway, I know you know I feel this way at times becuase I have talked about it on my blog. Know you are not alone! When I am feeling this way I just try to remind myself to cherish the few scarce moments of hugs and obedience. AND take a break. Maybe Jason will give you all day off tomorrow!! You need some alone time and girlfriend time. :)

petiteblogger said...

Oh Michelle, I so feel your pain! I'm sorry you have had to go through with that but can totally relate. It's so frustrating when that happens and especially if you think he's grown out of it!
Remind me next time we talk to tell you about what happened when I was venting to my mom about something similar and she had her phone on speaker phone in front of Mike's boss's wife! :)
I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow. You are an amazing mom, raising wonderful, normal children, and you are always an inspiration to me. :)

You with us said...

Michelle, I started crying when I read your post because I can so relate to your feelings. Sometimes it feels like my efforts are having little effect. Micah can be so hard-hearted sometimes.

My friend just said to me the other day, "Isn't frustrating that we can't be the Holy Spirit in our kids lives?! We can teach and correct and try to stay consistent, but it is God who will ultimately do the changing."

I love you! Hang in there!

Also, thanks for being so candid. I think it helps heal us to know we are not alone in our struggle.

the mathisons said...

yup! that sounds just about right! those dark clouds come and our tears just poor out! I just don't know what I would do without God's grace... and strength... and guidance... and mercy... and promise.... Sheesh! How do others make it through parenting without him?!

Michelle said...

Thank you all so much for your's just so good to know we are "normal" and I have "normal" kids - thanks Amber, it really was good to hear that. :-) Sometimes I just wonder who that girl is (me!) that doesn't treat her kids the way she wants to in her heart, I guess that's part of living in a self-centered, sinful, broken world. I so long to be more controlled by the Holy Spirit, so my natural tendencies are covered up by his goodness flowing from me.

Lindsay - thanks for your encouraging words! And I'm so glad you liked the cookies, yummy, eh?!

Amber - I can't wait to hear your story...and you are an inspiration to me, too. :-)

Megan - I did have a great Mother's Day, it was very relaxing and much needed. :-)

Byranie - Hard-hearted is SO how I would describe it....thanks for putting words to that so I can pray better...that God would do the important....I need to pray for my kids more.

And Kelli - Amen sister! I'm so grateful for all that God is to us, too. How would I survive without Him???

I love you girls!

Aaron, Andrea, Malachi & Rachel said...

Thanks so much for the encouragement and the story that seems to hit home for me too! And my daughter isn't even crawling yet and I get tired thinking about that big change about to come! I love your stories and honesty. Thank for leading me closer to the Lord today!